Breakfast for dogs anyone?

How has it come to this? We have the most incoherent, uneven, dysfunctional and downright unfair education system in the developed world. Proposals issued today by Education Squit Gove will make this situation even more chaotic. When it comes to education, the term 'United Kingdom' is a complete misnomer. Wales, Scotland and Northern Ireland have their own systems. And then there is England…

There are 2500 Independent Schools catering for just over 7% of the school population. This operates outside the state sector, enjoys charitable status and ensures its alumni are well-connected. A glance at the current cabinet shows the network at work.

In the recent past England had a simple tripartite state system (Grammar, Secondary Modern, Secondary Technical) which was mainly, but significantly not completely, replaced by comprehensive schools in the 1970's. It is a little known fact that the education minister responsible for creating the most comprehensive schools was Margaret Thatcher. Whether it her sense of betrayal to the Tory cause or whether it was right-wing dogma is open to question but it was her government which introduced City Technology Colleges and the 1988 Education Act which introduced the National Curriculum for the hoi-polloi but not the wealthy. 

Since then the almost annual turnover of Education Ministers has produced even more variety. How about this for a State system?

• We currently have 164 state run grammar schools - along with the necessary Secondary Moderns to accommodate the less capable in those areas. 

• We have 34 state Boarding Schools. 
• We have umpteen 'Specialist Schools' aka Comps with delusions of grandeur and these cover the following specialisms: Technology; Arts; Sport; Business and Enterprise; Languages; Maths; Engineering; Science; Humanities; Music. In theory children with extra ability in one of those areas should benefit from the extra attention. In reality it depends where you live. Crucially it was a means of getting extra government funding. 
• We have comps who still manage to select a small proportion of their intake  and we have 64% who do not.
• We still have City Technology colleges although most have converted to the latest wheeze ….
• Academies! The big thing for failing schools in inner cities has a chequered reputation. However anyone trying to find out exactly how well these schools perform will have difficulty, as their results are not public knowledge. Shocking but true. Funding was also supposed to be based on a partnership with local businesses and charities. As Private Eye revealed however, Ed Balls, when Education Minister wrote off £20 million of unpaid debts from these organisations. Mind you the organisations concerned did keep their name on their Academy. As yet we have not got the 'Madrasa Academy for Waging Jihad on the Infidel' but we do have fundamentalist Christian schools who believe the world was created in six days. Enlightenment thinkers would be appalled.

So what does Squit do when faced with this mishmash of a state system? He wants to add even more chaos. What a merry jester. 'Free Schools' anyone? Set up your own little centre of learning and have a lovely time for Johnny and Gemima. Where the money comes from is another matter. Will good old 'Bog Standard comp' yet again subsidise the whims of the nearly wealthy, the pushy and the ambitious?

What a bloody shambles. If it wasn't so tragic it would be funny. 

Breweries  - parties  - insobriety (re-arrange to form a well-known saying).