'Stuffers' and 'Stuffed'

“ When you look at the average Conservative cabinet, you see two kinds of people: those who spent their schooldays stuffing other boys’ heads down the toilet, and those who spent their schooldays having their head stuffed down the toilet.” 

So says George Monbiot in a profile in this month’s Word magazine. 

Does this novel idea have any juice? What do you think?

Stuffers

Cameron: aka ‘Flashman’, recently revealed that stuffing is in his DNA with his ‘calm down dear’ comment to Angela Eagle and his double-entendre to Nadine Dorries at PMQ’s.

Osborne: Can swing both ways. Has Flashman qualities in spades yet was alleged to have been the butt of the Bullingdon Club.

Maude: would make an excellent lieutenant for a Dark Lord....if he isn’t one already.

Clarke: would do it with a smile

Fox -  although recently defenestrated, had all the ‘qualities.’

Hunt: an acolyte of the really nasty.

Lansley: ditto

Huhne*: would he do it quicker?

Alexander*

Stuffed

Gove: no doubt about it. Form an orderly queue!

Letwin: probably would not notice it happening.

Hague: explains the jokes.

Pickles: he is getting his own back by punishing us, the public.

Duncan-Smith: ‘beware the quiet man’......hmmm.

Willetts: having two brains would not go down well.

Grieve

Young

Clegg* wants to be with the stuffers.

Cable*

* Liberals who fit the bill.

The jury is out on several who have too low a profile as yet to assess their stuffingness: Moore, Mitchell, Hammond and McLoughlin. Anyone with suggestions to add to the above or to amend them are welcome to email them to me so they can be added (if appropriate).

Among the handful of women, May and Warsi stand out. The obsession with May’s shoes reflects tory-boys love of a good dominatrix. (Is a ‘good dominatrix’ an oxymoron?) Warsi, on the other hand, is regarded as ‘too gobby,’ again reflecting tory-boys dislike of assertive women.

Monbiot goes on to lay the blame for most of our present ills at the door of boarding schools where this stuffing took place.

“The system which the dominant class has created - sending small children away at a very tender age, into somewhere where they cannot be properly loved - is a catastrophic system. Not just for them, but for everybody else. It creates a dominant class of people who have something missing and who will find ways of trying to fill that gap.That arises, I think, from a sense of rejection, from being sent away to what is basically an orphanage when you still have two living parents. That is a terrible blow to a child’s sense of self; you’ll always need to prove something to yourself from that point onwards. Unfortunately, what a lot of people appear to require is domination, and yes, it’s the domination of other people.” (ibid)

They need to remember though, that we are the 99%.